- A must read for all.
“The main elemental ingredients of a marriage that would work and last long is not about ‘Love’ alone. In fact, ‘I love you’ is far from it.
If it is ‘I love you’ alone that is more important to the sustenance of martial relationships or any kind at all, then there won’t be the high incidence of those many broken homes out there around town today.
If it is ‘I love you’ alone, which sustains marriages, then marriages won’t hardly be breaking at all, because ‘I love you’ is what normally consummates every relationship.
Every relationship always start with ‘I love you, but that is not what would always be needed to run and sustain it.
‘I love you’, therefore, is like the cement, which must always be needed and necessary in the construction of a house. But, that is not the only material the builders need to achieve the purpose.
Obviously, we all know that the cement can’t be the only important material needed to build a house. No matter how strong and good the ‘I love you’ cement is, only the power of that cement cannot build the house. And that is why most relationships, which runs only on ‘I love you’ are always soon to start cracking and before we know it, they crumble.
Just the same way human life is born, is the same way ‘love’ can be born.
Love has life. It can be born and if it is not properly handled, it could die.
Just the same way human life can be sick and die, same for love. Love can be born today and it dies next year, if it is not properly nurtured, especially with other necessary ingredients.
Love can be born; love can be frustrated; love can be tired; love can be infected; love can be malnourished; love can be sad; love can be sick and love can die. In fact, love cries in death!
And, that is why there are many broken homes and marriages out there today.
When love dies in marriage, the marriage dies and eventually packs up, because that is the cement holding the structure of the building.
Love has died in many homes already today, and in many, ‘love’ is already frustrated – sick and tired of it!
However, for any marriage to run optimally; be sustained ideally and to last long, other elemental materials of building a good home must always be available and put to full use.
What are these materials?
If you want to build a house, you would definitely need materials like the cement, sand, blocks, gravel, planks, iron roads et cetera, or else, that house can’t stand.
These materials must be available in ample quantities and in good quality states, before you can build a good house, so also is the building of a good home in marriage.
If the ‘love’ is the cement, then the ‘sand’ must be the conviction. The ‘blocks’ are the necessary matrimonial character needed to build the house. We all know that without the blocks, the house may never stand solidly on ground. The human nature, character and attitude of the woman and the man in the marriage are the blocks!
And that is very important to the marriage!
The ‘gravel’ is the ability of the two people involved to understand the essence of the relationship they want to build and the divine essence or the spiritual purpose for their togetherness.
The ‘planks’ are importantly, the money needed to support the survival of the relationship, and finally, in the series, are the ‘iron rods’, needed as the resolution and willingness of the two people involved to say and agree that they want to run it; or continue to run it, regardless of the inherent and impending challenges.
Little wonder the Bible realistically says: ‘The two cannot live together, unless they agree’.
No marital relationship, therefore, can stand on the cement of ‘I love you’ alone. Other elemental ingredients must always be present to make it work.
You can’t be telling me as my wife that you love me, and yet you lack all the ingredients of the matrimonial character and materials to run it ideally with me.
I insist, you can’t build a home with the ‘cement’ alone!
You can’t be telling me you love me, when you fight me everyday; you abuse and talk to me anyhow; you treat me like a nobody or a worthless option to your life; I am always hungry under you; you leave the house for only me to care for, maintain and run, because you are not always at home to give your matrimonial responsibilities deserved attention.
You can’t manage your home properly; you can’t manage money; you are careless and care free; you are rude, wild, dirty, arrogant, crude, uncouth, generally mannerless and matrimonially lazy in the marriage. You are just living anyhow around the man, yet you will keep saying you love him.
That love would be frustrated!
That love would die prematurely someday!
That marriage would soon start cracking, because it is standing only on ‘cement’ and in no sooner time, it could crumble, the same way defective buildings are now collapsing on Lagos Island on almost daily basis.
Nobody builds a house only on cement. You need other materials to achieve it.
Meanwhile, there are five social words, which are very, very popular in the consciousness and on the lips of every human life today. Those words are: God, Jesus, Mohammed, money and love.
But, as very popular as that world ‘love’ is as the cement of the life of every relationship, so also is the phrase, ‘Broken Marriages’ are fast competing with it in popularity.
‘Love’ is popular, but ‘hatred’ in broken marriages are also becoming fast popular among us!
So, the question we must keep asking ourselves is, if two people are indeed very much in love with eachother, why do they still keep fighting and running the marriage as if they are two sworn enemies?
Why do they still become embittered to the extent of the copules, picking a knife to kill eachother, despite all the ‘I love you’ of the many years?!
Why so many broken marriages out there around the world today with all the ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you too’ around town in today’s world?!
It is simply because, apart from the fact that ‘love’ alone does not sustain good marriages, the traditional values and tenets of good and ideal marital cultures have been lost in today’s world. And the over bearing tendencies of the moraless marital civilization have been the fundamental problem.
Today’s woman wants to possess the man completely in marriage. She wants to own the children; control the marriage absolutely and wants to enjoy all the freedom with little or no input from the man she calls her husband.
And in all, she wants to continue to gag, monitor and supervise everything about the life of her husband. She wants to be in charge of how the man lives his life, but while she wants to continue be in charge of her own.
She wants to be in charge of the marriage, but while the man only continues to be only the donor agent in it.
She wants to continue to subject the man to the bondage of he is legally married to me, but while she wants to continue to enjoy all the freedoms around town.
On a final note, my marriage to Foluke Daramola Salako is 7 years old today and still continues to run, all because the two of us have long realised that we can’t build it on ‘I love you’ alone. Not even a very controversial, popular and celebrity marriage like our own type that some people out there are eagerly waiting to celebrate its break up someday.
However, I insist that, it is not only ‘love’ alone, which sustains a marriage. These important three elemental ingredients, above all, must always be there:
The two people involved must always be CONVINCED they are meant for eachother. They both must have the right MATRIMONIAL CHARACTER to run it and finally, the WILLINGNESS must always be there that they want to live together to continue to run it.
If the two are convinced about eachother and are willing to live together to run it with the right matrimonial characters and physical materials to keep sustaining it, then it could work with ‘I love you!’.
Beyond ‘I love you’ alone, when these three elemental factors are lost in marriage, the marriage is lost.
When the conviction is lost; when the right character to run it is lost and when the two people involved in the relationship are no longer willing to run it together again – when that also is lost, then the marriage is lost.
You cannot build a marital home that would stand solidly on the sand and test of time with ‘I love you’ only.
HAPPY 7TH ANNIVERSARY TO BOTH OF US!
- Olukayode Salako.